|
Catch
Your Child
in the Act of Being Good
Believe it or
not, every child - even the brattiest among them - does something
good everyday. Admittedly, it may be difficult to see in some
children; but as loving, conscientious parents we must look until
we find it.
Catch your child doing good. It is such a simple concept, and yet,
in our attempt to be "good" parents, we are likely
focused on catching the negative. Dr. Jeffrey Kelly in Solving
Your ChildŐs Behavior Problem says, "The best way to
motivate a child to good behavior is to develop a plan to
reinforce or reward the good actions we want to see." Praise
and attention are powerful motivators. Children learn that they
will get noticed and praised when they behave well which, in turn,
strengthens their good behavior patterns.
Be specific in praising your children. DonŐt just say, "You
were good today." Find specific incidences that define good
behavior for your children. "You played nicely with your
sister and took turns" and "Thank you for remembering to
pick up your toys" describe the behavior you want and expect
from your children. Defining good behavior helps them understand
the goal.
Offer occasional rewards. There is a difference between reward and
bribery. Reward is offered when you catch him doing something
good, after the good deed is completed. "You didn't run up
and down the aisles in the store today; I think I'll buy you some
candy." Bribery occurs before the fact: "If you're good
in the store today I'll buy you some candy." Can you see the
difference? Reward helps the child be self-motivated to do well.
Bribery teaches him to be object-motivated to do well. And
remember, object-motivated children won't perform the behavior
without the promise of a treat. Children whose parents use
reward-based systems tend to be more secure, more confident, more
responsible, and more creative.
Utilize self-fulfilling prophesy. Dr. James Dobson addresses this
concept in his book, Hide or Seek. In essence, children become
what you tell them they are.
They'll get your attention one way or another. It's hard to
understand, but to some children, negative attention and even
punishment are better than no attention at all. You know that
saying, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease"? If children
don't get what they want, your attention, by being good, they will
get your attention by being bad. So the key is, don't make them
fight for your attention. Catch them doing something good every
day. |
