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English
Language :
A veritable storehouse of humor
English has virtually
ousted most other languages of the world and is currently reigning
supreme as the major language of commerce, medicine, electronics,
space technology, aviation, sea navigation and what not.
Nearly, all the information stored in the world’s computers
is in English.
English grammar is
quite complicated. Learning
English can be a frustrating experience for some and fun for others.
Recently, the word
paradigm has been bandied about extensively in business circles,
thanks to Stephen Covey, author of the book The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People. Paradigm
means perception, assumption or a frame of reference.
When I read this book a few years ago, I didn’t know how to
pronounce paradigm. I
understood later that it should be pronounced as paradime.
Where does the letter ‘g’ come in, simply beats my
imagination. Wouldn’t
be better if it were spelled as it sounds?
Luckily, in Bahasa
Indonesia, paradigm is translated as paradigma and pronounced as such.
Which, then, is a user-friendly language, Indonesian or
English?
In English, the
meaning of some words may totally vary, depending upon the context in
which they are used. The
other day I read a caption in The Jakarta Post: 11
mental patients at large in Manila.
We know large means big.
But the message conveyed here is that “11 mental patients
escaped from the hospital”. How
can we expect the learners of English to decipher such meanings?
English is a funny
language. For instance,
if you have horrible dreams while sleeping during daytime, it’s
still called a nightmare. The
word doctoring is used to change the figures to hide the truth in a
financial statement. Isn’t
it a demeaning word for the medical profession?
Midwife does not mean one more woman in a man’s life.
A midwife helps pregnant women to give birth.
A ring is a circular thing; if so, how do you explain a boxing
ring, which is a square?
America and England
are bosom friends in almost all global issues but coming down to the
language, they are a world apart.
An American cannot
visit English in the “fall” season—he should choose the British
“autumn”. If he
wishes to stay in England, he should look for a flat, not an
apartment.
For breakfast, he
should ask for jam, not jelly. In
a restaurant, he must call for a bill rather than a “check”.
He can’t use an overpass—he must “fly over” in Britain.
He can’t “mail” a letter in the UK, but “post” it.
A billboard in the
U.S. is the same as a hoarding in England.
By the way, hoarding also means black marketing.
One fails to understand why it is used for “outdoor
advertising”. Logic
must have been the first casualty in the evolution of English.
A queen rules England
but still, the country is called a kingdom—not a queendom!
Well, if Her Majesty accepts the status, who are we, “dumb”
fellow, to worry?
I once had a Scottish
boss. His English
pronunciation used to be so difficult to understand that I could never
make head or tail out of it. Consequently,
I often resolved the problem by simply availing “French” leave,
just to escape from his English onslaught!
It is, indeed, a
privilege to be able to speak more than one language.
But, what happens if each country develops its own version of
English?
For instance,
Singaporeans speak “Singlish”, which can be quite jarring to the
ears. It may take a while
to comprehend their lahs (laws?)
Indians love to use
the word kindly in the place of please.
Some are “over-kindly” though, when they write: “Please
kindly reply”! There is
no one particular version of Indian English.
Indians tend to use English in different accents and
pronunciations. Sometimes,
what they fail to convey in English, they adequately compensate by
their body language and facial expressions.
Gujarati English can
be quite different from the Tamilish spoken down in South India.
Incidentally, the Tamils don’t send telegrams; instead they
“give” telegrams. It
is because of the pitfall of direct translation into English from
Tamil.
There are, now, in
the world more non-native speakers than native speakers of English.
But, surprisingly, in Indonesia, native speakers are the most
sought after, for teaching English.
The Dutch are indeed
very clever. When they
invite you for a “Dutch treat”, don’t be carried away by their
kind offer. It is clearly
a trap. Wheat they mean
is that each person is expected to pay his or her own share of the
bill. The only
consolation, for which we must be ever grateful to the Dutch, is that
they don’t make us pay for their entertainment too!
Euphemisms come in
handy for “soft” landings. Price
“increases” hide behind “price adjustments”.
Governments usually get away with “deficit” budgeting for
“over-spending”. For
laying off hundreds of workers, companies these days resort to
“down-sizing”.
The Jakarta Post editors
relish using words like “inking the document”, “kicking off a
meeting”, etc. Don’t
you feel a little uneasy, reading these phrases?
According to a UNDP
report, English is used in almost 80 percent of Internet websites.
Those who browse the Internet are called Netizens.
I’m afraid that the recent “Internet addiction” by
youngsters will be a “world-wide-worry” soon.
We should take steps to arrest this trend before the next
generation becomes “Nutizens”.
“Pauses” are
quite important in spoken English, as the “commas” in written
English. This is a story
about two neighbor families. One
day, the husbands were discussing spending the weekend at a nearby
resort. That evening, one
of the wives met the neighbor’s husband.
She asked him what was the discussion about.
He replied that there was a proposal to go on a picnic during
the weekend. She then
inquired: “Who are all going?”
“You my wife I your husband”, said the man, without batting
an eyelid. I leave it to
you to guess the lady’s reaction.
Surely, we cannot do
without English in whichever field we are employed.
Well, then, why don’t we all enjoy the humor in English with
all its nuances (nuisances)?
by
: D. Chandramouli
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