Once they’ve installed the software they can find out what you wanted to tell them. The cyber guy or gal you chose will then speak your mail. It will also respond to emoticons like :-) or :-(. The faces can smile, frown, wink or blow kisses.

The result is disturbing in a way that is difficult to describe. These cyber people seem a little unbalanced Their smiles are creepy and their winks seem more like nervous ticks than deliberate motions. They are truly fascinating to watch, but if someone insisted on sending me all their e-mail as Facemail I think I’d have to stop corresponding with them.

While it’s of dubious value for daily use, Facemail can be a lot of fun. I wrote a facemail in which I had a character wink every few words and stutter. "I I ;-) I I I feel buh buh bugs crawling :-( under my skin. :-(" I wrote. The face stuttered, twitched, made strange faces, and looked deeply disturbed. I sent it to a friend who sent me back his own crazy Facemail. It was pretty cool.

While Facemail might be handy for sending e-mail to illiterates, children and dogs, it’s hard to imagine it catching on as a way to communicate. However, it is a great toy for people with too much time on their hands who want to send twisted messages to their friends or threatening letters to politicians. I hope someone creates a site devoted to the best and strangest Facemails. If it happens, facemail me about it.