In
addition to money personalities, there are male-female
difference in approaches to money that haunt many relationships.
It could be said that some difference reflect men as hunters and
women as gatherers. In his theatre piece, 'Defending the
Caveman', Rob Becker describes men: They go out and buy a shirt,
wear it until it dies, then go out and kill another shirt.
Women, in contrast, gather. They shop for a scarf for a niece
for next Christmas and for a shirt for their son-in-law.
Other
pervasive money differences exit between the genders. First, men
and women have differences of personal boundaries because they
are both raised largely by women. Men have to psychologically
separate more rigidly from women because of the sex difference;
women do not have to separate so rigidly, and therefore can
afford less distinct boundaries.
Second,
men are raised to see the world as hierarchical and competitive.
There's always a one-up and one-down position, a winner and a
loser. Women see the world as cooperative and democratic; they
share. In addition, they are allowed - even encouraged - to be
needy and vulnerable, while men are discouraged from such
display.
The
boundary and hierarchical differences between men and women lead
to clashes around money decision-making. Men think nothing of
going out alone and buying a big screen TV or even the family
car or computer, then coming home and saying, "Hi honey, I
have a new car." A woman will say, "Why didn't you
consult me? I thought we were a team. "And he'll retort,
"Are you my mother? Do I have to ask your permission?"
Because
of their more rigid boundaries, men think of themselves as
islands and withdraw when facing difficulties of intimacy. They
don't see themselves as part of a team. And, of course, men and
women are raised to believe different things about the way they
should actually handle money. Despite many social changes, men
are still bred to believe they will be good at dealing with money, although nobody tells them how to do it.
In that way, money is like sex; they're just supposed to know.
Women are raised to believe they won't be good at it and, if
they're lucky, some man will take care of the details of money
and investing.
