|
5
Ways to be Happy
Here,
some ways to tend to your mental health and happiness today:
Appreciate the moment. Many of us view happiness as a
future state: something we'll achieve when we get that great
job, beautiful home or handsome husband. And while we do often
feel quite elated when we attain these goals, the bliss is
usually short-lived — and quickly followed by a desire for
something else, whether it's more money, a renovated kitchen or
flowers on Valentine's Day.
To break that looking-ahead cycle, you need to cultivate an
appreciation of your life as it is now — dissatisfying job and
all. Make a list of everything that you love about your life —
Thursday-night Chardonnays with the girls, the way your
two-year-old looks in her Halloween costume — and then remind
yourself to really savor them.
Give yourself a higher calling. People are happy when
they feel that they are contributing to something greater than
themselves, whether through their job, family or community.
"Happy people don't ruminate about themselves and their
problems. They say, Life is short. I'd better do something
useful."
But you don't have to have a large family or a job
vaccinating orphans in order to lead a fulfilling life. Take the
real-estate agent I know. Truly invested in helping people find
the right home, he will often steer prospective tenants away
from listings he considers subpart, depending upon their needs
and desires. If he was strictly out for his commission, he
wouldn't get nearly the same job satisfaction (and, in the long
run, he probably wouldn't make as much money, either). So think
about the ways you can transform your perspective of your daily
tasks. In addition, you can always build small acts of kindness
into your day, such as giving up your seat on the bus, putting a
quarter in a stranger's ready-to-expire parking meter or
clicking on The Breast Cancer Site (www.thebreastcancersite.com),
where you can help fund mammograms for poor women. These things
do make a difference in others' lives.
You flow, girl. We've all had those moments when
things feel completely right in our world. You spent the day
completely immersed in the activity, and when you finally looked
at your watch, you were startled to realize how much time had
passed. These moments of complete absorption are when people are
happiest, a state which we call "flow."
These are the moments people treasure in their lives, and the
more of them you get, the better off you are. To find your flow,
first get a hobby — an activity you do for pure enjoyment.
Think about the stuff you loved to do as a kid — ballet
lessons, pottery, pickup basketball — and then just go with
it.
Examine your options. One crucial difference between
happy people and unhappy people is that the former believe they
have choices. Two workers could be toiling away at the same under stimulating
job with the same impossible-to-please boss but
have completely different experiences: one feeling that the
situation is hopeless, the other seeing a way out, either
through moving up in the company or dusting off her resume. So
even if the happy person stays on the job, she still feels she
is doing so by choice.
That's why it's important to cultivate friends and activities
that will increase your sense of options, anything from taking
night classes to sitting down with a good friend and
brainstorming about your dreams for the future. Actually, you're
already doing one of those things. Studies show that people who
use computers tend to be happier than people who don't. People
feel a sense of possibilities when they use their computer. It
gives you access to information and to connections. If you have
an interest in an obscure hobby, there may not be anyone in your
town who shares it, but you can probably find at least 100
people online who do.
Nurture your relationships. Having a strong connection
to others — be they family or friends — is a crucial part of
mental health; but unfortunately, many of us simply focus on
what our relationships are or aren't giving us rather than
asking ourselves what we can do to bolster the people in our
lives. The key to having fulfilling relationships is to invest
in others without expecting anything back. "It can't be
quid pro quo," . Paradoxically, those who expect the least
from loved ones, usually get the most. "The less you try,
the more you succeed."
|
