Whether
they've been asking questions or not, it's time to talk with
your kids about sexuality. That means talking about gender,
reproduction, bodies, feelings, changes, and, of course, sex —
with self or with a partner.
Regardless
of their age, they're ready. Are you?
When
talking to your kids about sexuality, your goal should be far
more ambitious than preventing premarital sex or pregnancy.
Besides, it will be more difficult to get those messages across
without first establishing values and ongoing communication.
Talking
to your kids about sexuality prepares them for future
relationships, and arms them with accurate information. It also
allows you to help shape their sexual values and
decision-making, encouraging them to think clearly about
sexuality.
It's not
always easy, but it's always worth it. Here are four ways to
approach your kids about sex:
1.
Show you're askable.
Never punish them for asking questions. It's fine to say,
"I don't know" or "That's personal, I don't like
talking about that." But angrily demanding, "Why do
you want to know?" or declaring: "Only a bad girl asks
questions like that," sends a message that sexual concerns
are unacceptable to you.
2.
Teach that sex is OK.
Teaching kids to fear sex or its consequences creates adults who
fear sex or its consequences. Besides, instilling guilt and
shame in kids doesn't reliably discourage behavior you
disapprove of. On the other hand, teaching young people to treat
sex with respect, and that their bodies are precious, encourages
them to behave responsibly.
3.
Teach values.
Don't hesitate to share the principles by which you live —
kids want that. Just make sure that you label them as values
rather than fact. Talk about what you believe or what makes you
feel good. Of course, this requires that you talk about sex as a
normal part of life, perhaps the most important message of all.
4.
Teach decision-making skills.
Regardless of their age, what kids need most of all is
decision-making skills. This is especially true when they're
dealing with peer pressure, feeling they're in love or have been
using alcohol. When you aren't there to tell them what to do,
they need to know how to make healthy choices for themselves.
