By Carl Massy: If you are wondering how it cannot make you happy then please read on. In fact when you stop doing ‘mustabatory’ you will have an amazing sense of calm wash over you. The term Mustabatory I believe was coined by Albert Ellis who developed Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT). And yes, that is a handful of words.
By the way…how many people (like me) thought we were talking about a topic other than the excessive use of the word ‘MUST’? Tut tut tut…
Ellis also puts in the same category, the habitual use of the word SHOULD or HAS TO, OUGHT TO, GOT TO, etc. I personally call this ‘speaking in absolutes’ and I have talked about it before, but it continues to be something I address with every client I work with. We are all prone to do it. But it is amazing the difference it makes on your stress levels (and neck tension) when you realise if you keep fighting with ‘reality’ you will continue to lose and end up in a big pile of frustrationitis.
When we get caught up in the SHOULDS or MUSTS (in all situations) we lose sight of actually what is happening. We try to force reality into our map of the world. And the bigger gap between REALITY and our SHOULDS or MUSTS; the more stress, anxiety, anguish or anger we are likely to feel. It also stops us from focusing on and finding a solution for the actual situation.
So over the rest of the week, pay attention to the times that you say SHOULD or MUST or HAS TO or GOT TO. Awareness is the first part of change. If you find yourself doing too many MUSTS or SHOULDS, then realise that you may be straying too far from the REALITY and a perfect opportunity to deal with the actual situation in front of you.
Don’t try and force REALITY into your box or you will certainly end in tears.
Have an awesome day too!