by Carl Massy:
Are you being realistic?
Picture this. Two people born in two different cities. Two different parents. Two different sets of beliefs installed. Two very different behaviours at play in the family environment. Two different schools. Two different groups of friends and influences. Two very different life experiences. Two different physical appearances. Two different interests, talents, and hobbies. I could go on, but I am sure you get the picture.
Now here is the big question: What are the chances that when these two people connect they will think, feel and behave in exactly the same way?
If your answer was anything other than NONE or VERY UNLIKELY then you definitely need to give me a call and we definitely need to chat. So we agree (apart from the people calling me shortly) that the chances of two people from two different places, families and life experiences having exactly the same values, beliefs, skills, mindsets, perspectives, outlooks, etc. is very very low.
Now comes the big RELATIONSHIP TIP
How often do you expect other people to act and think in the same way as you, and then get disappointed when they don’t? If you’re shaking your head and saying ‘not me’ then we also might have to chat about your integrity. Because we all do this sometimes.
Can you see the absurdity of this thinking? It is setting yourself up to fail. It is like expecting something to happen that does not exist.
So here is the Tip: Don’t automatically expect someone to do things the same way as you. Or believe the same things as you. Or value the same things as you. Or think the same way as you. Because if you do, YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED. There is a 100% money-back guarantee on that one.
Here is the Solution
Don’t have ‘EXPECTATIONS’ as to how someone will think and act; establish an AGREEMENT with them. This is Relationships 101 at its best!!! Have an agreement as to how the job is going to be done, or how the business will be run, or how the kids will be raised, or how the report will be presented, or how you will welcome each other after work, or how often you will see the in-laws, or how to keep the kitchen tidy, or even what a tidy kitchen means. Don’t assume the other person is the same as you – because no one is.
The final word
Don’t make assumptions or have unrealistic expectations in your relationships and they will go a whole lot smoother, and your grey hairs will be fewer and farther in between.
Have a SUPER awesome day!